I Am the Observer - Transcript

Jamie Riene - I Am the Observer

Tue, 2/1 2:29PM • 30:29

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

job, business, logistics, personal growth, question, understand, energy, jamie, podcast, story, corporate, learn, messy, evolving, people, number, left, big, part, industry

SPEAKERS

Jamie Stephens

Jamie Stephens  00:00

Like, that's my new goal. I want to feel like I felt when I were answered that question. I want to feel that way every single day, until feeling that way is so natural that when it comes, it'll feel just like a Tuesday. Hey there and welcome back to breaking up with corporate. I'm Jamie, Renee, your host and truth telling gal pal here to have the real conversations with badass women doing their thing will talk candidly about the hard lessons impact business failure mindset, corporate Bs, and all the things. I'm excited to highlight and learn from these amazing women that have stepped into their power and are proving what's possible. Let's do this. On today's episode, I'm introducing you to me, your host, Jamie Renee, my husband and I live in Northwest Arkansas, and we have four girls and two rescue pups. A few months ago, I left corporate for good. And as you'll hear, I'm building a business around being 100% me with this podcast, with a cooking channel on YouTube with writing and all the things that I've yet to align with. So here goes nothing. So I figured it's about time I introduce myself properly. For those of you that don't know me, I am Jamie Rene. Actually, if you do know me, you know me as Jamie Stephens, but for the rest of the world. And because it's available on all of the socials. I'm Jamie Rene, and it all comes down to, like I said, the weird spelling of my name for once worked in my favor. And so I can pretty much get any of the platforms that I want with that name without any problems. So it keeps it all easy. So I guess I've been hesitant to really put down my story of hey, who am I? Because that's like, that's like an ever evolving question. And something that I, you know, something that I work on daily, like, who am I? And who do I want to be? Who am I being? Are those two things in line? So here we are with the who am I? I realized for a long time I identified myself by everything around me. So who am I? I'm a mom. Okay, I am a wife. I am a daughter. I'm a sister, I am an aunt, I am a friend. Or by what I do. I'm in logistics. I'm in supply chain. I like to cook, I have a podcast, like those are outside of me. So everything that we typically answer the question like, hey, who am I? We always I guess our default is to answer that, who we are in relation to other people. And so I want to answer differently. Yes, I am all of those things. But I am also just me, just me, I have the me, that is just like everybody else, the the mind that we often identify with, until you know better. Because whenever you identify with your mind, your mind can be a really icky place sometimes. And that's not you, that's your ego. So you're not your mind. But you're able to observe your mind. And so I am the observer, I am the observer of my thoughts. I am separate from my mind, I am separate from all of that nonsense. So anyway, interesting questions. So how did I get here? Because I haven't always had all of these awarenesses I haven't always been in tune with how things work as I know them today. And I do not consider myself a religious person at all. I have some religious trauma. Like we all do, I think but I have come to be a spiritual person. And I've always known that there is something bigger than me. I've always known I've believed in a higher power. Now raised in Christianity, I had a whole lot of questions and things that I just fundamentally couldn't accept about religion like things that I just didn't understand. But I mean, I'm not trying to be down on religion here. I'm just telling you, like where I am today. would have been unexpected to me five years ago, yes or no? Anyway, moving on. So the name of this podcast, as you are aware, breaking up with corporate, it is my, my energetic baby, my love child. God, I'm a weirdo anyway. So in 2018, I was leaving a corporate job that I had grown to hate when that made me physically ill whenever I pulled into the parking lot, one that I would wake up, ready to go. And because I'm optimistic by nature, I would have like this vision of how the morning would go, and then I would pull in the parking lot and literally get sick to my stomach, and then walk in the door and just have this weight on you. Anyway, so it was a very toxic environment for me. And so in early 2018, I left that job. And I left behind a lot of bullshit, I left behind a team that I really had grown to care for. And like, they're the reason I stayed as long as I did, because I wanted to take care of my people. And that's just how I am. But eventually the bullshit got to be untenable. So I left in 2018. And from going from a high stress, high involved job that I overly identified with, into what, into nothing, basically, I was just running away from there, I wasn't running towards anything else. I mean, I kind of was in my head, I had some ideas of things, but like, I wasn't, I wasn't prepared, like I all I knew is, I just wanted to get out of where I was. And so everything else was just muddy, and not really available for me in the space that I was in. So I quit my job. And I wake up the next morning, expecting to be happy expecting to be like, relieved. And I just felt so empty. Like, I felt like I did not have a purpose, that all of a sudden, I like everything that I had contributed to my family up until then, like I had to make up for it in some other way. So like, I couldn't just relax. I couldn't give myself that time because I always because I had my worth tied up in this physical form. Like I had my worth tied up in a paycheck in a team, in my cooking for my family in like, whatever everything that was outside of me everything that I had zero control over anybody's anything. That's where I had my power, and everybody else's pocket, because I didn't know how to sit with me. And so 2018 was really a discovery time for me into a journey of personal growth. And it's really, like I became unattached to career title, like I still wanted it, but I no longer like that was not the end all be all. It wasn't the money. It wasn't, it's just that I finally began to prioritize my happiness in very small, incremental ways. But it started with saying, Okay, I am leaving this job. And I'm going to try to do my own thing. I'm going to try to start this blog, I'm going to try to do this t shirt business, like whatever it was, I was doing at the time, way too much all the time, always. But whatever it was I was doing, actually, I think it was all of that. But I was like, I'll just do that. I'll figure it out. People do it all the time. And it's true people do do it all the time. But what I have come to know is that solo partnership is the biggest therapy session in learning curve and message and humility, lessons and humility in self awareness and all of the things right, all of the personal growth that you have to do in order to be successful. And I'm not saying like clearly there are successful people that have like zero sense of self awareness or are like, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about to feel whole, like success as not just a financial destination success as in, I am a whole person, I am happy, I am satisfied, I am energized by what I'm doing. It's not something that drains me, it's something that brings me joy, I am contributing to the bigger hole. Like that is success to me. And in order to get to that place, it takes a shit ton of personal growth. And so I started in 2018, and I called it personal growth. And the more I dive into it, the more I realize that it's beyond personal growth, it's a spiritual journey. And it's all about becoming who you are, like, who you're meant to be, like, minus all the bullshit minus the brain, the mind, that is not you remember, you're the observer. But like, forget all that stuff, and who you are, is exactly who you're supposed to be. And that's how I'm living life right now. Like, I didn't just come across this in 2018. And all of a sudden, I'm like this spiritual convert, like, this is something that I have been studying for several years now. And that's just the way that I operate. Like, if I'm interested in something, I will go down the rabbit hole, I will seek more information, I will try to understand the things that I don't understand, simply because I want to know the answer. Like, I enjoy learning. And this was no different. So fast forward to, or rewind, whatever, to 2018, I'm starting down this personal growth journey. I am doing work on myself, but not really on a business. And our financial situation changed with our family. My husband owns his own business. And so there was a point in our time that it was just like, I needed to go get a job, I needed the health insurance we needed, you know, XYZ, so it was just time to put whatever I thought I was doing aside, and I didn't want to undermine it, like whatever I thought I was doing, because that sounded really dismissive. I was learning, I was learning what it takes to actually make a profit with a T shirt business. Realizing what happens whenever you spread yourself too thin, realizing the amount of time that a task takes and the amount of time I think that I can do it in are woefully apart on most occasions, like part of building an online business is knowing all the stuff like knowing, I don't know, if you can Google, you can figure it out ish, you know, there, okay, that's a whole other, that's a whole other episode. But not just Google, the information, the transformation, those things are out there. I don't want to discount the wonderful programs that I've been a part of. What I am saying is, you're never as good as you think you are. When you're first getting started, like, especially if you are like I tend to be which is an overachiever. Like, I've got the task and I can get it done. And but you know, you don't start out that way. And it seems like I have to learn that over and over again that you know, sometimes you're just gonna suck at something. And that's okay. I mean, go check out my Instagram page. If you are curious what that looks like. I mean, seriously, it's like I'm, I'm finally coming around to it, but it's just like, I sometimes make things so hard. I don't even know what I was talking about at this point. Oh, yeah. being messy. Here we are. So I'm not discounting any of that. But I'm way more efficient in my head, then. I am an actuality for a long time. Like, eventually I get there and I can do things like boop, boop, boop, boop, and they're done. And I always plan for that amount of time in the beginning, and I always set myself up for failure with that. So little side note, um, anyway, so I had to go get a job. And I was talking to Adele about this on a previous episode, Adela Krong. If you haven't listened to it, you should. We've got a lot of overlap on our stories. But I was talking to Adele about this. And I was just like, you know, to look back on things now understanding where I'm at now, the things that I believe in The not just spiritual aspect, but understanding now that science is finally catching up to a lot of these principles. And there's not just a spiritual side to things like, there's the scientific as well like the energy, the auras, the benefits of meditation, like the separation, the oneness, all of the things like there is science to back it up, which makes my like, brain really happy, because that's just who I am, or who my brain is. That's, that's what my mind likes, anyway, so I had to get a job. And I mean, I was pretty high up or like mid level manager at a logistics company, and had been for several years, and had a lot of experience. And whenever I went to go look for a job, there was nobody that would hire me in that field. And I honestly, quite frankly, I did not want to do it. But that's, again, where the money was, because that's where my experience was. And so I tried for several weeks to get a job in logistics, and was being denied, like without an interview, for like entry level positions, that would be like a no brainer for me. And I eventually wound up in like a parallel industry. And so like replenishment for another employer here in Northwest Arkansas. And my thought at the time was, okay, I have this logistics background, I can get this other arm of replenishment, inventory management, that sort of thing, and have a broader supply chain background like that was a smart move for me, even though I took a big step back and went in as an entry level position with this other company. And I look back on that now. And I see several things that makes a lot more sense now than they did back then. So understanding how energy works and understanding how our vibration, our energy, our core desire goes into the actual way that the universe works. Of course, I didn't get the logistics jobs, I had no interest in getting the logistics job like within my soul, I hated the logistics jobs, not the work itself, just the boys club bullshit drama, like I wanted no part of it. And yet I was living in lack. And thinking that that is the trade off that if I want to make money, that that's the way I have to do it. And I was undermining what my soul knows, I did not want it. And so I didn't get it. My energy was not there, like I was not a vibrational match for that job. And so I didn't get it or any of those jobs, like, whatever insert thing here. And also looking back. Because of that, I let that say something about me. And I let that say something about my worth, whenever really, that's just the story that I applied to it. So by the time I took this job in the other industry or parallel industry, which I had a huge advantage of, but my confidence was so shot because I let things outside of my control. Well, I guess technically not without my control. I just didn't understand that I had that amount of control at the time. But I told myself the story that my value was not there, that the main girl in my head was right, like I hadn't, I had identified her, I just believed her at that point still. So I took a job in an entry level position making about 60% of what I was, which was already underpaid compared to my male counterparts in the logistics industry. So worse becomes worse. And I go in and even I mean, keep in mind, even at this point, my personal growth is actually more is actually higher than it's ever been, even though it was still just abysmal. Like, I didn't know what I didn't know, I didn't know how bad I would feel like how the energy the toxic energy in my body like what I would need to do to get rid of it. Like I didn't understand why my brain was so gross and telling me all of these nasty things like I wasn't slowing down enough to actually hear anything. Because I was always doing XYZ for work. I was always doing other things for other people and just never slowing down long enough to actually listen to my body. Listen to my brain, my ego and most importantly, I sure as hell was not slowing down enough to listen, to be that observer to really see that as something separate from who I am, who I am does not talk to me that way. So I started another job, this job that was an entry level job. And of course, I kick ass at it, because it shut that I learned very quickly, and blah, blah, blah, I never was able to capitalize on any of my outside expertise. And if you're a woman that has done, if you're a woman that has transferred industries, I am curious to know what your experience was, because in my experience, there was zero value as in financial value given for all of my expertise in these other areas, areas that were 100% related to us was never paid for leadership was never paid for the systems processes, like the things that I brought to the team was never valued financially. And so whenever a restructure came, and I was getting more of the same instead of more of what I was told, so the universe made it very easy for me to get off the fence and to quit abandoning my dreams and to say, Fuck off, like I'm done. And so I did. Now, keep in mind, a severance made that easier to do. But it's still required some tough conversations with my husband, it's required me standing my ground, and really fighting for my dreams, because I deserve it. And because I am more than my financial contribution, my happiness is worth more, and I'm demanding more like, this is where I'm at. So all of this to say that who I am today has evolved over the last several years, like in major ways, and the things that I've come to know the things that I've come to believe in the way I'm doing life. It's really from an energetic perspective. And so what you can expect on this podcast from me, is, I like to borrow this phrase from just lively, who also has a great podcast called The Lively show. But we're writing this in pencil like this is as I go, this is as I learn, I am evolving, constantly, I am changing, I am understanding things in different ways that I didn't before I am learning and growing, and my opinions may change how I know to do things may change. And if they don't, like I'm probably just not looking hard enough. And I want to continue to push myself, I want to continue to ask myself hard questions, I want to be able to show up. Okay, I guess I'm just gonna stop for a second because I got a story for you, the beautiful soul that trained me and several others on how to create a podcast. Her name is Kathy Heller, and she has a five day challenge that is happening right now abundant, you're ever most abundant, you're ever something along those lines. I'm in it. One of the questions yesterday was to picture your, your future self, like what is she feeling? What is she doing? What is it? What is it that you see whenever you picture your future self, and I stopped, and I paused and I felt the answer that I provided, which is this my whole energy. My whole vibe just radiates a quiet knowing a confidence that is unshakable, I have created a business around being 100% who I am, and I am paid well for it. I have amazing relationships, and people seek me out to pay me that's the version of me that I'm going for. I don't know the ins and outs, right, this very second of how I'm going to make money with this podcast. And I'm here to tell you that you don't have to know because my energy is aligned. And I want this to be the proof I want. I want you to see how this works. Like let's figure it out together. Like this is what I'm doing. These are the steps that I'm taking. And we can write them in pencil and we can figure this stuff out together. Because getting your energy right and getting aligned with that version of you that you're becoming and making all of your decisions from that person. If I'm going to create a business being 100% who I am, then by God I better be 100% who I am, and I am all of those things, and I am passionate and I am complicated. And I tend to overcomplicate stuff. And I am organized and messy at the same time. I'm like all of these different things. And I haven't made a single penny here. I've spent several just a couple but I know that it's coming Like, I don't have the driveway paved, but I've bought the motherfucking land, like I know where I'm going, the rest is going to fill in. And that's part of the process that I'm exploring. That's part of the process that I am fighting for. Because it doesn't make sense if you're not in this world if you don't understand about energy. And so as I learn it, as I get better at it, as I improve my knowledge on how things work, and I implement things within myself within my business, I want to bring that to you. And it's messy, and it's evolving. And it's 100%. Me. Oh, and I forgot to tell you that that answer to that question. When we a scholarship into Kathy's program abundant ever after, which has an amazing bonus included that is, I don't even know the name of it made for millions or something. But all of these just badass women that I have been watching for a long time that are in various online business states. Jenna Kutcher, Laura Bell, gray, I don't remember who else. Oh, Simone, Grace sold like all of these women that I am following like that. I really love their work. They were included as part of this signup yesterday as part of this bonus. And I got a scholarship from that answer from showing up 100% as me for being me. And my energy was there when I wrote it. I felt it. I was there. I cried when I was answering the question. Like, that's how much I felt it. That's how much that is the frequency that I try to get to every day. Like, that's my new goal. I want to feel like I felt when I answered that question. I want to feel that way, every single day until feeling that way is so natural that when it comes, it'll feel just like a Tuesday. And how cool will that be? Anyway, so that's what I've got. That's the story that I want to tell today. And as you listen, you'll hear bits and pieces of my story in various ways. As I relate to people, I like to give a different perspective whenever people are sharing their experience or sharing my own perspective, making it really like a conversation. So I hope you have felt that. I hope that you will come follow me on Instagram. And we'll figure this shit out together. It is at Jamie Renee. J am i e r i e n e. And if you want to be part of the Facebook group, you can search breaking up with corporate and come hang out over there. I am slowly but surely figuring out what to do over there. So again, it's a messy version, but ground floor baby. Anyway, thank you for joining me today on my first solo episode, I can actually check done on this big scary task. I did it I was scared, I did not die. And I actually think I shared some pretty good takeaways while telling my story. So here we go. Number one, our stories are ever evolving. As you learn and grow. Your opinions on things can change as well. It's okay to write your story in pencil. Number two, understand that you are separate from your mind. You are the observer, the nasty thoughts going through your head is your ego and its whole job is to keep you safe, aka small. Number three, be aware of tying your identity to things outside yourself outside your control. And based on things you're doing, you are giving away your power. Number four, prioritize your happiness and it can start in small, incremental ways. Number five solopreneur ship is one big therapy session. In my experience, personal growth is required for success. And speaking of success, number six, it goes way beyond financial implications. Be aware of how you're defining success. Are you happy? Are you energized by what you're doing? Like these things count? Number seven, don't be dismissive of your experiences that didn't turn out the way you planned. Ask yourself what did I learn number eight here never as good as you think you are when you're first getting started. Sometimes you're just gonna suck at things for a while. And that's okay. Number nine. Understanding how energy works can make a lot of things make a whole lot more sense. Be careful of what story you're telling yourself about a situation number 10 Take some time to picture your future self. What is she doing? How does she feel? Who is she being? See her align with her and make your decisions from there. Thank you all for listening. Thank you for being here. Thank you for everything and different anything that I can do for you just come find me on Instagram send me a DM. Let's start a conversation. If you want to follow along in this journey you can find me on Instagram and YouTube at Jamie Rene. I've linked everything in the show notes. And if you enjoyed this episode, please forward it to a friend that might enjoy it as well and consider leaving a five star rating and review on iTunes or wherever you're listening. Thanks so much and I really appreciate you